Believe

I’m in the 3rd week of a 12 week course and I’m subjecting myself to something, at this point, I’m not so sure I’m ready for.  Problem is, I’d never be ready for it.  Brittany is in week 7 or 8 of this course as well.

The class is called Inner Healing and it is associated with No Longer Bound, the program that my cousin, Adam, has recently graduated from.

There are a ton of things to say about this class.  And I probably won’t write much of anything about it.  You’d have to be there.  And I don’t really care to share.

It is incredibly emotional and honest.  And I’m not used to that at all.

One of the goals is that by the end of the class I would be able to feel:

Pain/Love

in real time.  in a way that I currently do not.  and more so than I ever have.

 

On our first night we discussed an idea that has kind of overwhelmed my thought process.  The idea is this:

You always do what you believe.

 

Like, the drug addict uses drugs because he/she believes that the drug use is better than the alternative.  They might say, “well, I believe that it would be better to face my pain than to use drugs and steal from my family.”

But that is a lie.

We always do what we believe.

And in that case, the addict believes that drug use/abuse is a better option than anything else.

No matter what my lips profess to “believe”, the truth is that I always do what I believe.

And as I begin to dive into my actions and evaluate my lack of reactions, I begin to discover what I actually believe about life/myself/God.

And the more honest I get, the more I see that what I say I believe is often times a lie to cover up what my life’s work has shown that I, indeed, actually do believe.

So here goes another 9 weeks or so for me.

And I’m not ready for it.

 

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