Brittany and I moved here on March 31st, 2012.
We were excited.
We were wondering.
We were hoping.
We were by ourselves.
It was probably the first time in my life that I had no clue of what my life would look like a year from that moment.
Last night we sat on our porch and talked about some of the biggest things we’ve learned in our 3 years in the Atlanta area.
Here are mine:
1. I have learned over 3 years that I have nothing to prove. When we moved here I felt like I had to prove myself. I had to prove to other people what I was capable of. I had to prove to myself that I could function and make it without any reliance on family or friends or comfort to bail me out or help me get to where I wanted to be.
It was a little exhausting at times. I think early on in our new city I was so consumed with trying to show people what I could do that I didn’t enjoy what I was doing as much as I could have. I was trying to prove my abilities and my talents, and in the pursuit of proof I had sacrificed some joy.
Thankfully, I know myself better now. I know that I am really good at certain things relationally or professionally and it wasn’t just a fluke that I was good at those things in Orlando. Because those things are a part of me, not dependent on my surroundings.
In the last year I have enjoyed life more than I ever have. And I would attribute that largely to the fact that I’m not trying to prove anything to anybody. Myself included. I can enjoy work. I can enjoy friends. I can enjoy alone time. I can enjoy Brittany.
And I have nothing left to prove. There’s no point in trying that anymore.
2. I learned in the last few months that for the last 10 years or so I used my diabetes as an excuse to not pursue a healthier lifestyle. That sounds strange.
In my 20s ,my blood sugars were managed so well that my doctors are super impressed. I’ve had diabetes for a while and I know how my body reacts to certain foods and how much insulin I need to give for certain things.
Anytime I would exercise, that would throw my sugar levels for a spin. It would be difficult to keep them on track when I added a sudden change like working out.
So it was easier to just give more insulin and make less healthy lifestyle choices.
2015 has been a story of my pursuit of a more healthy me. Not just my diabetes, but my whole body and mind and spirit.
Yes, it has been a little difficult to figure out how to manage the sugar level while I have been changing so many daily things.
But I’ve learned it is worth some of the hard work and some of the frustrating moments.
And I learned that diabetes was just an excuse I used to justify not doing things to heal my body.
3. I am valuable. From the time I was born I lived with the lie that I was a burden to people. This stemmed from thinking that my mom getting pregnant with me was the final straw on my parent’s marriage and they got divorced because I was too much of a burden on their family.
I am introverted. Growing up that wasn’t a term I was familiar with. And neither was anyone in my family. So people genuinely thought something was wrong with me because I didn’t function in the same manner they did at social gatherings. That reinforced the lie that there was something off putting about me and nobody really liked Jason unless he put on the mask and acted like everyone thought he should.
Anyways, God has healed my heart and my soul specifically in this area in the last three years. It has taken some time. And I’m certain there are more dark places in my life related to this lie that will eventually be uncovered and I’ll need healing in those areas as well.
But I no longer feel towards myself the things that I did most of my life. I have learned and am continuing to learn to love myself in a profound way.
I sincerely believe that I bring great value into the workplace that is unique to me. I am extremely valuable as a friend and there is no friend like me. I am incredibly valuable as a husband and nobody loves in the exact same way that I do.
People that have gotten the opportunity to know me are fortunate. Not because I am better than them. But because I have great value. And if they see it or not, that isn’t my concern.
That sounds arrogant, I’m sure. But I’m also sure that it isn’t.
Loving yourself is vital.
Thankfully I’ve experienced this in a way I used to think wasn’t possible.